To say that expectations were set high after her first season of softball would be an understatement. We had no illusions that Aubree was a great player, but having been asked by Coach Jeff to be on the All-Star team raised our confidence level for our little player.
Winter came and went and before we knew it, softball season was starting up and I realized that I hadn't done anything to help Aubree get better. But, considering Coach Jeff would be coaching again, I knew she would get all the help she needed.
So, when I got called by the coach, and it was not Coach Jeff, I was shocked. Coach James was the first assistant coach for Coach Jeff and would be taking over. I was asked if I would be the first assistant and I agreed. I was skeptical because, quite frankly, when I had gone to games, which was most of the time, I was the assistant coach for Coach Jeff and I really didn't even remember Coach James being a part of anything. Still, we had a solid team despite not having Coach Jeff or his two daughters.
Aubree began playing second base almost exclusively. She didn't have the range or the arm to do much else. When she hit, if we set her up to hit to the left side of the field, we frequently got the lead runner out. If there were no base runners, she wasn't fast enough to beat out a throw. So, we sacrificed her whenever possible, moving base runners around. I have no idea what her On Base Percentage was, but it had to be awful. She was certainly frustrated because she never got to score and everyone else did. We didn't really explain to her the HOW and WHY, because we didn't think she would understand. I know now that kids, especially girls, learn about TEAM play quick IF YOU LET THEM.
What I will say is that Coach James did a good job of making sure we practiced, going so far as to finding a field we could use whenever we wanted to. But, it was obvious by season's end that we had gone from the best team to the worst team and I could not figure that out. I knew Coach James wasn't the best tactical coach, but I wasn't much better and I didn't know how to help, or even broach the subject. So, once again, I just let things play out thinking I would fix the problem in the off-season.
Coach James did not coach the next year. I had decided that I had to coach if I wanted change. Aubree would be eight this season and playing coach pitch and this is the first major drop-off. The rec league went from eight teams to four. I didn't think to ask WHY this was the case, but it's a combination of attrition from travel ball and interest. Due to this, there were no slots left for head coaching. They league made it clear that I could not be a first time head coach. My only avenue was to be a first assistant and if a slot opened up, I could then be a head coach. It was as good as I was going to get. So, I became the first assistant coach for an existing team under Coach J.
I was surprised to get a call from Coach J, who wanted to meet in person before agreeing to let me coach. I was a little shocked by this, especially having to justify my qualifications to coach softball. But, I humored him and the conversation that ensued was a very constructive one that built a relationship I have to this day. It wasn't about my qualifications but about my personality. Coach J himself wouldn't claim to be a savant in the sport, though I am sure he has learned a ton since then. But, the type of coach he would put on the field was important to him and while we may make tactical errors as coaches, that wasn't nearly as important as the attitude we as coaches put on the field.
We would coach together for the next year and change and form a friendship, but those were rough times and they started before the first pitch.
Coach J had a core group of girls from his previous team, plus Aubree. We still needed a few players. The other teams were going through similar attrition, so there were tryouts and a draft. I took my role as first assistant serious and on a Sunday in March, with snow falling, I ferociously took notes of all the girls at tryouts. I ranked them, I had an idea of who I wanted. So, we proceeded into the rec room headquarters to draft.
First thing that happened was, since we had the "most players returning," I was not allowed to draft until the other teams had caught up to our team. So, that meant scratching off the first eight to ten players on my list, which left a very muddy pool of players. In one team's case, a set of twins counted as one player and the "carpool" rule, which I didn't even know existed, was used to secure a third player, who was an elite level player at this park. These players didn't count towards the team totals. Ok, that's the way it goes. So I stood ready to draft what was left. But I noticed that the coaches of the other teams were drafting players that weren't at tryouts. In one team's cases, they drafted them BEFORE players that WERE at the tryouts.
Strange. Why would you draft players you hadn't even seen? For the most part, I felt I got the best of what was left.
Long story short, the coaches knew the players. They had told the elite players NOT to come to tryouts. I couldn't draft players I had never seen play, right? I had agreed to a "carpool" rule that never actually existed, but instead I had just been worked over. I was furious. I would later find out that the weaker players from their last team were put back into the pool, which I would then get stuck with. I called my dad from the parking lot. The conversation went a little like this:
"Son, did you ever wonder why you played with the same group of boys every year?"
"No, dad. I just thought you liked them so you drafted them."
"I never had a choice. No one wanted them. Every year it was a different rule but I always ended up with the same players after the draft. Eventually, I just told them to give me the same players every year."
Dad handled it with more grace and tact than I ever could, or at least I never saw him lose it. Me, on the other hand, did what I typically do. I ran my mouth. I called them cheaters. I pointed fingers and I told them I would take whatever players they wanted to give me, practice them until they were good, and kick their teeth in 'cause I was that motivated.
I was wrong. Again, I can't give you numbers, but I can tell you we lost and we lost big. We were competitive in many games with two other teams, but the third team....the one with the twins and the "carpool" kid crushed us. They easily won the local championships and I just couldn't understand how they were THAT good and THAT much better.
That's because I believe people are honest and straightforward by nature or at least until they prove themselves to be otherwise. That is CATEGORICALLY false in anything with sports or competition.
When pride and/or money is on the line, people will fold if they lack the integrity. Little league sports, in general, get a bad rap because of these parents. They are easy to find at any ballpark in America. If you don't know what I am talking about, perhaps you need to examine your own actions.
When pride and/or money is on the line, people will fold if they lack the integrity. Little league sports, in general, get a bad rap because of these parents. They are easy to find at any ballpark in America. If you don't know what I am talking about, perhaps you need to examine your own actions.
In this case, the coaches in question were board members. They created the rules of the draft that benefited them. I also discovered mid-season when I drove by the park that was "closed due to weather" that they will lie. Many times when the park was closed, they would be practicing and it was during the slot my team had been allotted to practice. With the least talented players and the least amount of practice time, it was no wonder we couldn't compete. I had no problem losing. I couldn't deal with HOW we were losing.
Which leads me to my final point on the subject, which is the first and only thing that has anything to do with what was actually happening on the diamond. First, this was "coach pitch," but the board had decided to have a three pitch and then one swing on the tee. Because I wanted to make my team better, the tee was a last resort and we didn't spend ANY time at practice hitting off a tee. The other teams had gone the other way, deciding to intentionally get to the tee because of the higher success rate of hitting AND they could aim the player, even if the player didn't understand why.
Secondly, the coaches of this team decided to abuse "the over-throw rule." Technically, if your player is running to first and the defense over throws first, you can only take one extra base. Once the pitcher has the ball inside the circle, play is dead. But, the argument was made that if the player is rounding first during the throw, the over-throw rule doesn't apply. So, they had taught their players to simply keep running until the ball was in front of them. As you can imagine, this led to a lot of in the park home runs. Essentially, every crack of the bat resulted into a run.
This situation festered until one game where the score was getting out of hand, yet again. That team was up big and a runner was rounding second. Our player threw the ball to the pitcher, as they should, and he sent the runner from third anyway and she scored. I crossed the field to have words with him and why he felt the need to run the score up anyway. His response told me everything I needed to know about him.
"Why should I rob her of a home run she earned?"
If I have to explain to you why this logic is faulty, then you need to think some things over.
This conversation got a lot of attention from people all over the park and I apologized to the parents, even though I felt justified. In the end, I came off as a sore loser to pretty much every bystander because I was the instigator.
This conversation got a lot of attention from people all over the park and I apologized to the parents, even though I felt justified. In the end, I came off as a sore loser to pretty much every bystander because I was the instigator.
After that game, I decided to change the way our girls played. I bent my style of coaching to their style of playing. In the tournament, we beat that team. Essentially, we never threw the ball to first. We threw it to second. And then we threw it home on the next hit. Our girls batted out of their minds and we won. Aubree talks about that game to this day.
We won by compromising our beliefs in teaching players the game, not to win, and I still hate myself to this day for spending half a season teaching kids the wrong way to play the game, but that was the choice I was given. As I told parents, I can teach them the right way and we can play two innings or I can teach the wrong way and we can play five.
Beating that team had effects that went beyond one game and ended up just hurting my players. The momentary satisfaction we had resulted in players that didn't really understand the game. It cost those coaches the chance to select the All-Star team. So, when they ended up coaching the All-Star team anyway, they did not ask me to refer any of my players to the All-Star team, nor did they ask me to help, nor invite Aubree to play, which is a breach in decade's old etiquette for rec ball that extended back to my days on the diamond. As you will read in the next post, it also cost my son.
We won by compromising our beliefs in teaching players the game, not to win, and I still hate myself to this day for spending half a season teaching kids the wrong way to play the game, but that was the choice I was given. As I told parents, I can teach them the right way and we can play two innings or I can teach the wrong way and we can play five.
Beating that team had effects that went beyond one game and ended up just hurting my players. The momentary satisfaction we had resulted in players that didn't really understand the game. It cost those coaches the chance to select the All-Star team. So, when they ended up coaching the All-Star team anyway, they did not ask me to refer any of my players to the All-Star team, nor did they ask me to help, nor invite Aubree to play, which is a breach in decade's old etiquette for rec ball that extended back to my days on the diamond. As you will read in the next post, it also cost my son.
To end this on a funny note: I've cried on the field of play twice in my life. The first was the first at-bat I ever had at five years old. I struck out. I cried. The last time I cried on the field was this season. During an at-bat, one coach would pitch and one would catch, in order to speed the game up. One of our players undercut a ball and it hit me square in the nose. I've also had a bloody nose twice in my life and this was the second time. I tried to be a man about it even though tears were streaming down my face. Eventually I was alerted that tears weren't the only thing streaming down my face. My nose gushed blood for several minutes. I was a man about it and kept playing.
Lesson's Learned
- You are responsible for your kid's development. You don't have to practice sports every day, but stay active and don't procrastinate
- Believe people want the best for your kid, but never assume they do
- Understand the processes in team selection and be vigilant
- All people want to win, but not all people know HOW to win
- Do not sacrifice future development for immediate satisfaction. No matter the scale
- Be mindful that perception is reality and how you act in your mind and how people see you act may not be the same
- If you are worried about how things are run, get involved early. Change takes time and your kid is the one who losses when you wait
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