Weekend of 3/7-9/2014

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Well, the weekend!
Wait.
It's gone already.

Not only did it fly by, but we were robbed of an extra hour this weekend. Suckers.

Let's recap, shall we. Take a deep breath. This is gonna take awhile.

Friday morning, I received an email from Palmetto State Armory that they pieces I need to complete my AR-15 V2.0 would be arriving between 3:30 and 5:30. Signature only, of course. Well, that would throw a slight curveball at me since I wanted to be in Tuscaloosa for the Eagle's Wings Benefit Tournament before dark. I am getting old and I don't like driving after dark. You laugh, but I am the one with the fake hip.

But, it was gorgeous outside so I headed home a little early, pulled out a bag chair and my pipe. I don't smoke on a regular basis. As in, I smoke my pipe maybe once a month (you can't get cancer from once a month, right?). But, Josh bought me this pipe and a nice bag of Upland Days from the Humidor and I figured that was a nice (and rare...read "kidless") occasion to enjoy some fine pipe tobacco. Didn't know that about me? Learn something everyday, they say.

No sooner had I fired it up than the next door wife came outside to do some gardening. Half naked.

I didn't think much of it. I am not attracted to her, so I went on enjoying my afternoon. Maybe 5 minutes later her husband pulled in the driveway and immediately started over to me. All I could think of was that he was assuming I was being a creeper. I saw a scantily clad woman outside and I pulled up a chair and my dark sunglasses to watch. While that wasn't what I was up to (despite what my daily group text buddies thought as I updated them), I DO feel that he owes me. That dude has "No Bra Radar" for Alyse. I mean, she can't be at home without a bra on for more than 10 seconds before he comes over for something. Sugar, milk, let her know the leaves are falling off my trees. Anything. Then he can't keep his eyes in his head. Hey, I don't blame him. But I am the one that married her.

Alas, it was another typical visit from my neighbor. Much Ado About Nothing. Seriously, the guy comes over and stares at me. It's a fairly uncomfortable situation. So, silence begot silence.

But, he left and I went to get the kids. Aubree and Griffin both had practice and while I didn't plan on taking them, I did want them to get ready to hop in the car with their mother and hit the road. Eventually Alyse got home, I explained the Palmetto State situation and she headed to practice with the kids in tow. Meanwhile. I sat on my duff wondering where my gun parts were.

In the meantime, I get on Twitter and complained about the shipping, specifically that the details on UPS don't show up anymore. I mean, it used to show every step in the process. 'Cause, especially on Fridays, there is a huge difference between "arrived in Huntsville" and "out for delivery."

Well, wouldn't you know it, UPS took the time to respond!

Well Well!

So, Alyse goes to practice with all 3 kids (no small feat, for sure!) at 5:30....you know, when the package is supposed to get there. I wait. And wait. And then I get this email:

Fan-frickin-tastic. We know we told you it would come in today. Just kidding. Sorry you wasted a half day of your life. We will catch you NEXT WEEK!

So, I hit the road at 7:30 and fly to Tuscaloosa. I stop at Krystal's.....why? I do not know....for a late dinner. Throw my stuff in the boat and hit the hay.

We fish the Eagle's Wings Tournament. It didn't go so good. But, it was a great event, you can go read about the account.

Meanwhile in Huntsville, Alyse was herding the cats....errrr...children to games, practices, and lastly a kite festival! The funniest part (which i missed because I am a terrible father) is Griffin losing his ever loving mind because he was terrified of all the things that *could* happen to the kite as it flew. The kite could fly away! It could crash! It could tangle with another kite! Aliens might mistake it for a "welcome" sign!  It was so bad that Alyse had to reel it in and call it a day before he lost his lunch to a panic attack.

Before I move on, yall gotta watch Griffin playing some teeball. That 3rd baseman was lucky Griffin didn't go all Hulk Smash on him and take him out.just kidding. Maybe.


 After the weigh in, I loaded up and headed home. I get in the door around 8:30 and I am bone tired. We watch the first half of Catching Fire, up to the point where all the people start murdering each other, before I succumb to sleep. After all, it was daylight-savings time and we weren't about to miss church due to it.

At 9am we all woke up and realized we were going to miss Church.

But, we ate a good breakfast. Gavin pooped in the tube again. You know, a great relaxing morning. But, the weather was awesome so I was able to get out and do some yardwork. In particular, some lawn work. The roses needed tending so I got to deadheading. You know, good ole gangsta work. But you know how it is. I didn't choose the thug life. The thug life chose me. Or is it lyfe? I don't know. I am out of touch with my gangster side since, I don't know. Birth?

For lunch we headed to get weekly Griffin's Mexican fix. He doesn't eat anything but salsa, guacamole and cheese. The funniest thing is, he kept digging in his ears and we asked him why. He said: "I got cheese in my ears!" And yes, he really likes cheese. Cheese quasadilla with cheese dip. Side of cheese.

As the afternoon wore on, we decided to go watch Josh play hockey. They were playing for the league championship. Our kids were busy playing with the neighbor rug rats. They have a son one year older and a daughter one year younger than Aubree. Well, the daughter was in trouble, so Aubree and Griffin were playing with the brother. When it was close to time to leave, Aubree came in and asked if he could come with us. Well, I didn't want to say "no". It wasn't even that I was against taking him. But, as my hero Patrick Bateman says:

But, I ain't so smart. So, I said, "Well, Aubree, I don't think that would be the right thing to do. Just think of how his sister would feel if her brother goes with you and she doesn't. After all, you will be closer to her than to him."

That. Was. Stupid. So, she goes over the neighbors and asks if the daughter can come. Well, they are a young (and seem to be "free spirited" bunch, nah mean?), so...HECK YEA SHE CAN GO! I'm surprised they didn't ask for us to take the dogs as well. So, with 5 freakin' kids in tow, we headed to watch a game.

Of course, the funniest part of the whole thing was knocking on their door as we were leaving to make sure we could be out a little later and finding out both of them were already disrobed and enjoying the fruits. Ok, so it took them a minute to open the door and the dude peeked around the door at Alyse. But in my mind, they were already bodyslamming, as John says. Shut up. You would think the SAME THING!

They went to a shootout. Back and forth it went. Josh missed his shot and things weren't looking so good. Down the bench they went without any scores.  Until lastly Josh's dad, Kirk, was up. I admit that he was the LAST person I expected to sink a game winning goal. I am just glad I caught it on video! It's not that I am as proud of Kirk as I am in making fun of Josh for letting his team down. But, the bro hug at the end between father in son was touching. And awkward.

After a drive through meal at McD's, of which they left half the order off and I had to turn around, we were home and BEAT! It cost me $25 to feed all those kids and not a happy meal between them. But, they behaved and seemed to have a great time.

And here we are. Back at work.