Thursday, July 9, 2015

Why Aubie is a Better Mascot than Big AL

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I don't guess I can speak for the entire Auburn Family, but I can speak for most of my peeps. I hate Alabama. I pretty much despise everything about the school. Understand, that doesn't mean I can't respect them. I respect their softball team, even if they can't field good looking girls like the rest of the SEC (yeah yeah, it's hard to debate the wins/losses in the last 5 years...but still). I respect Nick Saban and his program, even if I am astounded by how "the process" continually fails against the modern age thinking of college football. I respect the school of business and the lawyers that it kicks out. After all, Auburn engineers need someone to count their money and manage their affairs. I respect a lot of the fans. Well. Some. A few...

Ok. I don't like the fans. 

I hate houndstooth. It's God-awful. It's plaid-out (played out? plaid out? get it? no?). I mean. I really hate it. There is actually a particular word that my best friend and I usually out between the "I" and "hate". But that's for another day. 

You know what else I simply can't stand? Big Al. I mean, it's more of a mixture of hate, loathing, and Honest-to God pity. But, to make it simple that even an Alabama fan can understand, we will use the term "hate." That's a term that they will understand. If they don't, let me give them the word in a sentence: Updyke HATED Auburn, so he poisoned our trees. 

Now, the typical retort from an Alabama fan to an Auburn fan, in regards to an Auburn fan "hating" something that is Bama is usually "You're just jealous. You just wish you had that kind of legacy." 

Hey. You're right....most of the time. In terms of wins/losses/championships, you are spot-on. Softball? Check. You got us. Gymnastics? Hard to debate. Football? No one claims National Championships like the Tide! Arrests and convictions of athletes? You betcha! The Tide Rolls again. 

Ok. In all seriousness, OTHER than equestrian and swimming/diving, Alabama holds a firm edge on Auburn in sports. 

Except the mascot. 

For a University that sinks every cent it has into it's sports, despite being from one of the poorest areas of the poorest states in America, how come it has one of the homeliest mascots in all of college sports? They buy superior athletes. Can't they buy a better Mascot? 

Sounds biased and mean, I know. But just bear with me and let's look at the facts.

Social media really define's this current generation. It is cutting edge. Anyone who is anyone is fully plugged in to social media. Let's take a look at the two mascots. First thing...their profile pictures, straight off of Twitter. You can find Big Al HERE and Aubie HERE if you don't believe me. 

See anything interesting? Maybe some insight into their personalities? I do. Aubies profile picture shows him surrounded by 87,451 of his best friends. Big Al? Just him. And a blank white background. 

How about the connection to their followers? 

Well, Big Al's last tweet? June 16th (that's 3 weeks ago). What was it about? Going to a memorabilia store to sell some stuff. 

Aubies last tweet? Oh, nothing big. Just tweeting back and forth with ESPN Stats&Info...less than a day ago. 

How about the other stats? Aubie has 4,600 tweets, over 38K followers. Big Al? 1,000 tweets. 8,841 followers. 

Ok. Maybe judging Big Al based upon followers isn't fair. Lot's of trailer parks don't offer internet services nor can you have mobile devices in jail (rimshot).

I guess it could be that Big Al just isn't as hip and up to date as Aubie. That's certainly possible. But, maybe social media isn't his thing. I have two best friends who are the same way. Love them to death. One is a Bammer. One is an Auburn fan. Neither have social media. 

Seriously though, you ever seen Big Al get emotionally into each and every Alabama game? Does he give it a personalized flavor? No. He does the same cheers. He wears the same clothes. I'll give him a little bit of beneit of the doubt. Maybe it's just his lucky shirt. I mean, money shouldn't be an issue at Bama. Walmart sells a fantastic variety of Tide apparel. Every week is the same as the week before. Watching him is like watching Bama play football. Vanilla. Boring. Old. Played out. 

He isn't even a part of the team. I mean, you ever see Al wear a jersey? NO.  He wears the same clothes. After all, Big Al is still wearing the same shirt he wore 30 years ago, just like your uncle who lives in your grandparents basement. I guess grey sweatpants and the Classic A are always in style for someone. BBBBOOORRRIIINNNGGG. I Google'd Big Al and searched his images. Here is the link. Same old stuff. It's tired. It's worn out. Each. And. Every. Game. This is what you get. 

How about Aubie? 

Google "Aubie the Tiger". Click "Images." Or, just use this link. At the very least, Aubie is wearing his official team jersey. Why? Because he is part of the team. 

And, every game gets Aubies personal flavor. Here is just a small smattering of Aubie at different games from the last 2 years.

Even a Gump can see the difference. 

Not only does Aubie have more school spirit and love for a great gameday atmosphere, but Aubie has one of the greatest senses of humor you will ever see. You can see it in his game day preparation. A great sense of humor is always a mark of a sharp and powerful mind. Spend time around Aubie and his electric personality and you will see it. 

Big Al? He mopes around with his trunk wagging, swaying from side to side. They might as well call him Eeyore. There is a striking resemblance.

I was watching Big Al's "highlight video." The only bit of game day humor he could afford was a poop joke. No, seriously. 

I hear the Bammers. It's all about Tradition. Tradition? Maybe. If by "tradition" you mean "old." 

If you ask me, Big Al reminds me of an old man. He can't run. He can't wave the Classic A flag. Heck, I was watching video as he "tried" to lead the team out. He was getting CHEERLEADERS. He is set in his "style." He is crotchety...after ever see him in the student section crowd surfing with those pesky whipper snappers? Maybe that's not fair. He's an elephant. Trying to hold Big Al up is a tall task. And, he simply cannot dance. 

And, just look at his overall appearance. Grey loose skin. Big ugly feet. Overweight. Floppy ears. Flaccid....trunk. Speaking hard is it to fix that problem? I bet an $18 purple pill will cure that right up! Other than LSU's Mike, who doesn't seem to ever take a bath and Clemson's crazy-eye'd Tigers, Big Al's trunk remains one of the all-time mascot mysteries. 

Aubie? Aubie has none of these problems. He is one of the fastest and most athletic people on the field at all times. Aubie can...will...and frequently....waves the AU all by himself. Aubie LIVES in the student section and can be seen hoping over walls and crowd surfacing on any given Saturday. Aubie can mix it up on the dance floor. How many mascots can breakdance? Aubie can...and will. To Aubie, age is just a number...and it shows. 

If you put Aubie and Big Al on the football field, you could replay Vern and Gary's coverage of Kick-6 and it would match up just fine. "Alabama has the fat guys on the field. Auburn has the athletes. Auburn runs the kick back 109 yards. Auburn is going to win! Auburn is going to win the football game!" Whoops. Sorry. That was actually a mix of Rod Bramblet and Vern & Gary. But you get the point. 

Heck, Aubie can do anything. I once saw him water skiing on Guntersville while I was fishing! Let's see Big Al do that. I mean, if the boat could pull him up.....

Aubie is fit and fine. Just like the predator he descends from, he is gorgeously colored,  lithe, fast, and svelte. He has a terrific sense of style that transcends generations. And, you will never. EVER. See him without multiple gorgeous women hanging on his arm. Most importantly, women never leave Aubie dissatisfied. Aubie takes time to hang out with each and every fan.

Speaking you see Big Al at baseball, softball, or basketball games? No. 

Aubie? Well, yeah! Aubie loves every single student athlete....not just the premier (read: money making)programs! Aubie even takes time to check out Auburn sports clubs, like his fishing buddies! 

In the end, Capital One...the authority on mascots.... knows what the story is, which is why Aubie was Mascot of the Year this year. He is also the first ever mascot inducted into the Mascot Hall of Fame. 

Say what you want about the disparity on wins/losses and/or championships. These are just numbers that can and will fluctuate in the next few years as Auburn closes the gap or Alabama's dubious claims are forfeited. After all, aren't they due for another NCAA violation? Oh, that's right. That was earlier this week. Well, sanctions then. 

The face of the two athletic departments...neigh both Universities....couldn't have a wider gap between them when you compare the two mascots. One is an old, ugly, overweight, out of style hermit. The other a colorful, fit, athletic, social butterfly who rocks the newest threads and dances to the newest beats. It couldn't be any clearer that Aubie is a far superior mascot than Big Al. 

Again, I can only speak for myself, but Aubie has always loved me and my family...and we love him!